Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
