Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
