life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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