Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
