don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Alive.
So much puke
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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