And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize