I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
