omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
