I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
