She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
