so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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