gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
