I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
