the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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