He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
