I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
