I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
