I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize