How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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