Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
