your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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