Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
