whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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