drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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