My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
