The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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