just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
