My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Two words: blizzard sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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