Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
