When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
