Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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