Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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