You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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