If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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