First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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