you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
