I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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