It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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