I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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