he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
