omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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