dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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