I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
