if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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