In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize