just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
