Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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