tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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