How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
