How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
