you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
