Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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