My sheets look like a crime scene.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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