I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
