this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
