I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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