eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
